1. You will need a computer. A Mac or PC will do nicely. If you do not have a computer, please obtain one as soon as possible
2. Your computer will need a web browser. If you've gotten this far you are doing all right!
3. Using your browser, navigate to schwaze.com, and click on the "Search" link
4. Type a word or phrase in the textbox below, this should pertain somewhat to that which you are searching for. If you are searching for seagulls, type "seagull". If you are searching for dominos, do NOT type "Nuclear Holocaust"
5. Once you have typed your word or phrase, click the "schwoogle"* button to find it
6. If you're still confused, you can have a friend who's much smarter than you explain it
7. If you don't have any friends, you should try to develop your social skills. And get out of the house more often. Really.

* - since google is now a verb in the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, and a standard part of the English language, I feel it is free for use. However, this is not your ordinary "web-search", is it? This is much more schwazé! In account of this, I have coined the term schwoogle, which I believe properly embraces the essence of what you are accomplishing by this search.